*yay*

My second favorite show ever

I'm in l o v e.



His name is Darren King. And I want to have his children I mean his insane skills.

Tengo Una Duda

Not to be at all associated with the previous post, but I have another question:
Adults always say that no matter how hard you try, you'll still become your parents; specifically, the parent of your own gender.

Does that HAVE to be true? I really just don't believe it. There will always be influences, and strong ones, to be sure (but if/once they're recognized, can't they be curbed, if they're bad?)...but I just cannot believe that our uncontrollable destiny is to turn into our parents.

Moving Forward 101 (?..)

Every man and every woman is fallible in some way, and this will be expressed every single day of our lives...so no wonder God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, would set the model for forgiveness!--so that we can move on with our lives, without hating ourselves or hating other people. We are imperfect beings. Even the redeemed are still very much human.

I don't think forgiveness should ever be withheld by the follower of Christ, as he can rightfully call upon the Lord's strength and love to aid him. I also don't think it's wrong for the contrite heart to anticipate and even expect forgiveness, at least from other believers.

I don't suppose either of those situations have been severely tested in my life, so one might say I "just don't understand." Maybe not...but I still can't deny that God's is an understanding so much greater than my own, and yet Christ still commanded this of us. That's got to mean something.

All of that is "obvious" of course--but in that sneaky little way of being "obvious" to know, yet not so obvious to do.

It really doesn't always seem that simple, does it--not when you get into the dark and painful corners of someone's life. I've got a question for the more biblically well-versed: if someone sincerely pleas for forgiveness, we probably dare not refuse. But what if someone not only doesn't ask, but doesn't admit to the crime to begin with? Or isn't sincere? The king pardoned his indebted servant, until he found out that the servant's repentance was pretty shallow--and then the king revoked the pardon.

We're to forgive our brother "seventy-seven" times...but do we consider the circumstances? (That's not a leading question; that's a "Melinda really doesn't know" question.) I mean, people have met the murderer of a loved one...and forgave. People have been betrayed and cheated by dear friends, and even without an apology, forgave. People have been deeply hurt, and yet God must have given them what it took to forgive, because it's happened.

Maybe we're simply always "supposed" to forgive because it's "the right thing to do." But even if that's not it...isn't it self-destructive not to do it? It's so strange that one can continue to be held in bondage by something that would seem to be within the scope of one's own (Spirit-influenced) choice.

I know whole books have been written on this...but answers on here would still really be great..

there's just so much...

I've feel like I've got so many things going on in my head that I can hardly begin to process them all...because the thought of my impending life changes is rushing at me so fast I can hardly catch my breath..

The internal sense I've got right now is as if I'm in a car that's supposed to be breaking for a stopsign, but the breaking hasn't started yet--and so in relation to the sign, I feel like I'm moving at lightening speed, absolutely hurtling towards it (even though I haven't actually speed up). And...that's a poor analogy that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but myself, but oh well. Sometimes my logic is my own, I suppose..

I'm tired of hearing all these post-graduate horror stories. I mean, of course I know I'm going to "make it" (i.e. not have a nervous breakdown and need to be committed as a result of financial and relational destitution) but I really would rather do more than "make it." It would be pretty wonderful if I didn't hate my life for the next year or two.

I'm just saying, I've always heard that college is four of the best years of your life. Came true. I've also heard that the year after college is one of the worst. Just can't believe that yet.

Besides, God seems to be sending me some...well, odd messages these days. And I'm not quite sure what to make of them...

Nuevos retos cada dia

Try having to read a letter with no punctuation, no capitalization, and tons of misspellings...all in a foreign language.

in a way, kinda like...hebrew, spanish-style.

ay de mi :)

Even YOU can be Jack Bauer...

...with the right ringtone.

The office just got a new Cisco phone system with about a bajillion different rings, one of which is the official CTU's "beep-beep...BEEEEPbeeeep," for all you 24-lovers out there. (I will not be using that one, as I have been boycotting 24 ever since they killed Jack's wife in the last five minutes of season one.)

My favorites so far are:
-"Beam me up, Scottie!"
-Smeagol's "Not list'ning, not list'ning!"
-Tim the Toolman Taylor's infamous grunt
-the Bonanza theme
-Chewbaca noises (don't know what else to call them...)
-*beep beep* "Kirk to Enterprise."
-Scooby giggling


So, which one should I go for? :P

why I want to go home, Part II

...Because then all measures of separation would pass away between me and the God who never fails to meet me where I am in my time of need, the Lord who would show me something like:


Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? (Job 14:4) Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me. (Ps. 51:5)

Dead in trespasses and sins,...by nature the children of wrath, just as the others. (Eph. 2:1, 3) I am carnal, sold under sin. What I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. For I know that in me (this is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells. (Rom. 7:14-15, 18)

Through one man sin entered the world, ...by one man's disobedience many were made sinners. (Rom. 5:12, 19) If by one man's offense many died, much more the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abounded to many. (Rom. 5:15)

The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. (Rom. 8:2)

Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Cor. 15:57)


That was what I read in my devotions right after writing the previous post. By the time I read this, my thoughts had progressed somewhat beyond the specific lamentations of that post, and into the general mourning (yes, mourning) of my shortcomings that can (and do) get me down so often. So you can see the timeliness of those passages.



Love never fails, God is love...hello. Why I still always find myself surprised by the way He moves, I have no idea, but...the active and seen presence of the Lord in one's life is an amazing thing to experience.

I will falter again, and again; I know this because I know myself. I will fight against self-loathing, and I will struggle in accepting the grace which renders that fight entirely irrelevant and unnecessary. I will doubt my righteousness, I will distrust my intentions, and I will be suspicious of my motives. My heart will cry out against its unworthiness and my soul will grieve its human ties. But thanks be to God, who gives me the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ--not only eternally, but daily. Hourly.

why i really want to go home

What does that mean, "satisfied in Christ?" How do you put down your fallen nature enough so that you don't look for anything anywhere else other than in Him?

We're told so much that we should just always "look to God...He's the only thing that can really satisfy us, truly make us happy"....and on, and on. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Heard it many times.

And it's not that I don't believe that this is true. I just wonder how possible it is to actually achieve. Of course, I honestly don't think that would be "achievable," exactly, but every day I feel in my soul how I could be so much nearer..

I want so desperately to find myself "fulfilled in Christ," to find ultimate joy solely in Him--"In Christ Alone"...to be entirely and purely sated by Him only (as it's impossible to truly experience this from anything less). But the heartbreaking problem is that my damned humanity will never get out of the way.

I get so tired of having to fight against myself.



And that is why.

"You thrill me, Lord, with all that you have done for me! I sing for joy because of what you have done." (Psalm 92:4. Read this verse in my NLT Bible a few weeks ago, and I love the way it's expressed...perfectly captures my sentiments during these Campbell years).



Michelle, we really need to write that book...you know, the one where we share all the crazy stories of the in-your-face ways God has worked in our lives?

He doesn't let me forget that He's in the little things, too. This morning I was dragging with my work at TWR because the tedium of this particular assignment was starting to get to me. It's a project I'm doing for the Spanish department, consisting of listening to children's radio programs (like Adventures In Odyssey, except in Spanish)/reading the accompanying book, and writing questions for parents to ask their children to help them "discover God's truths in the programs."

It's fun...for a while. Then the constant "stop to look up a word"-ness starts getting old, and it gets boring, and then I remember I still have most of the series left to do...great.

This morning I was just thinking about how nice it would be to hear back from the listeners, as some sort of encouragement--to really remind me of the impact to which my work is contributing.

Spanish department meeting, a few hours later: my supervisor pulls out a stack of letters from kids who listen to the program and wrote to say how much they appreciate it. Hands them to me to read. I almost started to laugh, and then my eyes almost started to well up, because I'm a girl like that, but also because I'm continuously awestruck by God...


The big things, the little things...it's just crazy (to put it terribly inadequately).



Father, may I always continue to thrill at Your greatness.

[long time coming]

Inside
deep inside, I want to be that girl I see,
that girl I read whose faith burns out brightly through her eyes
Her joy spills rich, unabashed, from her lips,
her pen, her hand, her hug
Her words, a balm, encourage always
Prayers of hope, of strength, are what her presence brings
Her very air, full-soaked in grace
"Written on her face," a phrase coined for such as these
She laughs, in love, smile gleaming with what I want
She seems to see the role of cynic a worthless cause

Dear girl, whom I've seen with snobbish disbelief,
I may have wondered at your fervor
but still have only dismissed you as naive
Then I recall, the fools are used to teach the wise...

Yes, but you are no fool, now, are you

I'm still the one who wants her air to shine
I still want this faith to burn bright in these eyes

(beware: negativity below)

I've discovered I've hit a wall. I managed to come this far in the semester being all gung-ho about school/work/etc., but...yep, that's now faded.

I never have enough time to do everything I need, much less want. And considering I'm about to be homeless (that's what I tell myself for motivation) in a few months if I don't get my act together...not good.

I stupidly rebel against the things I must get done by goofing off, contributing to the aforementioned lack of time.

Plus my workout yesterday was overkill, and I'm all sore (and not in a good, "ah, what a great work out" way). And grumpy...because I've lost my getting-enough-sleep streak. Which is also probably a reason I have this annoying cold.

Wasting time puts me in a bad mood...ironically so, considering my life in general would seem to indicate that it's my absolute favorite thing to do.

(This was not wasted time, lest you scold me, as a little venting does something for dissipating self-disgust.)

I just need to f-o-c-u-s....I know I can do this...



My apologies for this very much less-than-cheery post.