I just forgot how old I was. Literally -- I just had a moment when knowledge of my age was necessary, and I experienced a few seconds of "twenty-two or twenty-three? twenty-two or twenty-three?"
I thought that wasn't supposed to happen for many, many more years to come.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
ON SINGLENESS yeah that's right.
[sparked by that question every woman loves to hear from her mother, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Gotta love it.]
In college, dating was by no means something I was disinterested in, but neither was it much of a priority (if you knew me then, I know you're just shocked). I always wondered why I didn't get all crazy and weepy about my lack of a love life, because it seemed like most girls who likewise didn't have one were at least pining for one, but I didn't exactly feel that way. Which was fine with me.
Come graduation, though, that story sure did change - suddenly my friends were getting married, and I wanted to, too! For the first time in my life, I was *not* okay with being alone. I wanted somebody to "share my experiences with" (okay, so part of my motive was honestly just to have someone to cushion the impending blow of the Real World)...plus "everyone" I knew was getting married, and it was contagious. I like weddings...but eventually, after five or six in a year....you start...to..get a little....antsy..
Now a year out, I'm tumbling around somewhere in the middle. Yeah, I'd love to be married four or five years from now, which means dating someone important...like..soon, but I'll admit, I really like being single right now...maybe too much. I don't know. Between work and, well, more work, I feel like I barely have enough time for myself as it is, and the idea of fitting someone else into my life-space doesn't even seem conceivable. And lets face it, boys make girls crazy and I like my crazy at the manageable level it's currently at, thank you. Plus, if ever there was a committment-phobe, I Am She. As in, I have a hard time committing to even just being nice to a guy, much less anything more....stop laughing and nodding, Michelle. Plus...I know everyone has neuroses, but I'm particularly afraid of mine, and am still trying to find a balance between working them out and understanding that I never completely will.
That said, I know about God's timing and all that (so now you can forget that comment you were going to leave), and it just happens that I've never once thought of myself as being one of the rare "called to lifelong singleness" ones - I pretty much know I'm going to be married. It's just a matter of when. 27, 30 or 37? My mid-fifties, never-married aunt looks to be nearing Marriage Land, which is so great! But I really don't want to wait that long.
When my mom popped the question, I gave her a flippantly exhasperated "I don't know, Mom," then backed up with my standard, "because my church and neighborhood consist of college students, at work there are only women and gay men, and basically all my guy friends are married or almost so." Which, of course, paints a picture of it having nothing to do with me or my own choices...which is not the real case. I've played a big role in my current status, for better or for worse.
Funny, I don't really know how to end this. Which is appropriate, I guess.
In college, dating was by no means something I was disinterested in, but neither was it much of a priority (if you knew me then, I know you're just shocked). I always wondered why I didn't get all crazy and weepy about my lack of a love life, because it seemed like most girls who likewise didn't have one were at least pining for one, but I didn't exactly feel that way. Which was fine with me.
Come graduation, though, that story sure did change - suddenly my friends were getting married, and I wanted to, too! For the first time in my life, I was *not* okay with being alone. I wanted somebody to "share my experiences with" (okay, so part of my motive was honestly just to have someone to cushion the impending blow of the Real World)...plus "everyone" I knew was getting married, and it was contagious. I like weddings...but eventually, after five or six in a year....you start...to..get a little....antsy..
Now a year out, I'm tumbling around somewhere in the middle. Yeah, I'd love to be married four or five years from now, which means dating someone important...like..soon, but I'll admit, I really like being single right now...maybe too much. I don't know. Between work and, well, more work, I feel like I barely have enough time for myself as it is, and the idea of fitting someone else into my life-space doesn't even seem conceivable. And lets face it, boys make girls crazy and I like my crazy at the manageable level it's currently at, thank you. Plus, if ever there was a committment-phobe, I Am She. As in, I have a hard time committing to even just being nice to a guy, much less anything more....stop laughing and nodding, Michelle. Plus...I know everyone has neuroses, but I'm particularly afraid of mine, and am still trying to find a balance between working them out and understanding that I never completely will.
That said, I know about God's timing and all that (so now you can forget that comment you were going to leave), and it just happens that I've never once thought of myself as being one of the rare "called to lifelong singleness" ones - I pretty much know I'm going to be married. It's just a matter of when. 27, 30 or 37? My mid-fifties, never-married aunt looks to be nearing Marriage Land, which is so great! But I really don't want to wait that long.
When my mom popped the question, I gave her a flippantly exhasperated "I don't know, Mom," then backed up with my standard, "because my church and neighborhood consist of college students, at work there are only women and gay men, and basically all my guy friends are married or almost so." Which, of course, paints a picture of it having nothing to do with me or my own choices...which is not the real case. I've played a big role in my current status, for better or for worse.
Funny, I don't really know how to end this. Which is appropriate, I guess.
Monday, May 07, 2007
I recommend to YOU:
I highly encourage anyone and everyone to read this book. I'm not even going to try to explain why or what my motives are, but rather will simply say: just go read it! I'd like to think it will change your life...even if only a little.
I'm pretty sure no one actually reads this though, but if you do, AND if you happen to be wondering why I never post real posts anymore, it's because I'm currently scrambling to simultaneously finish out my apprenticeship and find a new [read: real] job. I've temporarily had to forfeit (seems like) just about everything else going on in my life, which is a bummer. But I think exciting new turns are just around the corner; definitely not a bummer! If things work out how I'd like, this summer will find me back living full-time in Raleigh for the first time in five years...I'm muy emocionada :)
[= excited...but I do get emotional about it all too; what can you do, I'm a girlllll.]
:)
Oh and also, I must add a totally unrelated random bit, or else this wouldn't be a true Melinda post: apparently they've been together for a while, but I just today saw on la tele that John & Jessica are a couple. Now, either Jessica Simpson has for years successfully executed one of the most brilliant image acts of all time for commercial gain, or John Mayer is less of a man than I thought he was.
actually, I think the latter must hold true either way...boo, john. And I kind of liked some of your music, too...now it is a tainted like.
I'm pretty sure no one actually reads this though, but if you do, AND if you happen to be wondering why I never post real posts anymore, it's because I'm currently scrambling to simultaneously finish out my apprenticeship and find a new [read: real] job. I've temporarily had to forfeit (seems like) just about everything else going on in my life, which is a bummer. But I think exciting new turns are just around the corner; definitely not a bummer! If things work out how I'd like, this summer will find me back living full-time in Raleigh for the first time in five years...I'm muy emocionada :)
[= excited...but I do get emotional about it all too; what can you do, I'm a girlllll.]
:)
Oh and also, I must add a totally unrelated random bit, or else this wouldn't be a true Melinda post: apparently they've been together for a while, but I just today saw on la tele that John & Jessica are a couple. Now, either Jessica Simpson has for years successfully executed one of the most brilliant image acts of all time for commercial gain, or John Mayer is less of a man than I thought he was.
actually, I think the latter must hold true either way...boo, john. And I kind of liked some of your music, too...now it is a tainted like.
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