just like sheryl says

I know I'll never reach a point in my life where personal change will be unnecessary, but I go through times in which I am particularly and painfully aware of changes that need to take place in my heart. in my personality. in my habits. in every facet of my being, really.

The biggest one I can think of (perhaps because it is by far the longest-running?) is being absolutely adamant with myself that I spend some time exclusively with God, reading His book ("Life-Instruction-Manual-So-Why-Don't-We-Read-It" as we call it over here at 2B). Every day. Intentional time spent meditating on it, not just incidental--not just when I'm driving, or when it occurs to me, or when I'm laying in bed about to fall asleep. I feel the need for this committment to communion all the time, and yet it's rare that I consistently feed this need.

Similarly, my prayer life sucks. Over the years, I have somewhat subconsciously fallen into the thinking (and this is a simplified explanation) that I don't need to pray about anything, really, as God is going to do whatever he wants/needs to do anyway. This is not true! If I have learned ANYthing from my roommate, it's the importance and effectiveness of prayer. Especially concerning guidance in my own life. Praying for other people's needs has always come a lot more easily than praying for my own (this is not out of selflessness, but out of the fact that it's just easier for me to think/worry about other people than about myself).

I need to be warmer. I used to be an all-around friendly person, but over the last two years or so, I've been saving that for friends, and have begun to give strangers the shaft. Maintaining my emotional reserve, plus staying focused on the task at hand...well, that's crap. It's un-Christlike. That's all that needs to be said.

I need to be more responsible with my time. Time wasted affects my availability to be there for and serve other people. Enough said there.

I need to be more responsible with my body. Maybe I think skipping exercise for two months and eating all junk for two weeks straight is fine now, but it won't be one day, and maybe I won't have time to break my bad habits then?.. Maybe it sounds pretty material, but I think it's important. Body = temple = not ours.

I need to remember that the people in my life won't be around forever...I am very privileged to have all four grandparents alive and now all living in the Triangle, but I rarely take time to hang out with them. Especially my grandfather who's in an Alzheimer's home, because his case is quite advanced and it makes me "uncomfortable." Well, it's called "get over yourself, Melinda." That's so hard, though...



Funny how I love the "idea" of change--I hate for things to be static. I love for new things to happen in my life, for things to get shaken up, even when it's unexpected. But when it's a change I'm supposed to actively affect? That's a whole different ballgame, sir. *Sigh.* That takes work.