rambling: my specialty

i just got an image in my head of what my life is like right now: me, tripping along a sea of shifting mini tectonic plates...i wish you could see what i see right now because it would probably make you laugh. But there's nary a stable step; i always have to watch where i'm going, because if i don't, i won't be standing for long. and it gets the best of me sometimes; a lot of times it doesn't; and sometimes i don't much care that things are moving out from under my feet at all and i just let myself fall down, letting the shifting ground carry me where it will.

My life works like this. I think it always will, but it is just much more pronounced at this period of my life [well, i'm sure that it's more pronounced for just about every senior on the brink of graduating from life as he or she knows it... i always forget my experience is not so very exclusive to me :)]. I learn new things every day, I change my mind all the time, unexpected things bodyslam me and knock the wind out, unexpected things plop themselves into my lap and laugh at how amazed i am by their beauty. Everything shifts, everything always changes. Thank goodness our Father is nothing if not constant, because i might go crazy if He weren't.



Grace's CameLink launched today, a ministry of sorts that puts the college students in touch with the families...since those are pretty much the two biggest groups at our church. And i am thrilled that this is finally coming about. Michelle and Mary Jane and I have been working through a lot to get this thing off the ground, and i cannot describe to you the sense of fulfillment and joy i have to see this really, actually happening. I really believe it is going to be very good for this church. Praise God!!!!!!!!!!



On a final note, I am quite confused about my role....my role in my relationships with friends, and with family. And my role in my future--what the hell am i doing? With any of this? Whoops there i go starting to write what's really in my head; i best watch out. Can't shock too many people at once. :) But back to roles--I probably should get used to uncertainty in this context, since there is sure to always be a measure of it in my life.



Lied, this is my final note: I was watching Smallville with my dad Thursday, and this Kryptonian was talking about the duplicity of humans. I remembered how i used to think, "oh, duplicity...such a lamentable vice of those non-Christians..." Now, fortunately, i don't kid myself anymore, and very much recognize how a Christian faith and duplicity are not at all mutually exclusive. I'd suggest that if all of us actually lived out our lives as we truly are internally, everyone would have a lot to be shocked about. And so, once again, I thank God for His liberal and undeserved grace that frees, not because it gives us license to do whatever we want, but because it both cleanses and allows for mistakes. If that makes any sense. It grows us. Grace is alive; it continually redeems...i suppose that's sanctification, isn't it?


I've wandered into realms in which i am unqualified to continue, at least on 3 hours' sleep. Plus: it's just time to shut up, period. This has been an unedited, stream-of-consciousness spillling of my brain, something i don't allow to reach the internet very often. If you bothered to wade in this far, I salute you (or maybe question your time management skills?...)

Goodnight.