Balance? what?

I used to work for the Alliance of AIDS Services. We never had enough money. I remember being told if I wanted a stapler, I was going to have to buy it myself. I remember when we had to cut back on bus tickets we gave out, and how well that went over. I remember seeing some of the same people over and over, always in trouble. I remember frustrated conversations about how when it came down to it, we were a band-aid, a temporary fix. We were treating symptoms (in more ways than one).

I now work for a small nonprofit organization that was birthed out of a gift of $6 million. We have lots of money. We don't treat symptoms; we are trying to change the system. We spend money in ways that are structured (we hope) to change the system. We also spend unreal amounts of money on things like balloons, conferences, and awards dinners.

I don't like how some of our money is spent; it seems cavalier, really. Maybe it's because never in my life have I ever been around a lot of money, and so what is pennies to some people (people who are used to being in control of a lot of green) is a huge, huge amount to me. The strange thing is, we actually are more conscientious with how we use our money than most charitable organizations. Scary thought.

I wonder, now that I have been on both extreme ends of the spectrum, could I ever be happy with either side? Because I'm finding out that when I'm on one end, I'm wishing I were on the other. I'm either wishing we had more money, or wishing we didn't waste so much of it.

So I'm thinking that I'm going to have to figure out another way to be okay with whatever employment I happen to be fulfilling at the moment.

...and that's just my work balance, not to speak of the rest of my life....ay de mi....