I don't know why, but I am tremendously excited to be turning twenty-five this month. I suddenly feel like I'm not a little girl anymore (a good thing, I think). A quarter of a century sounds quite grand to me, thank you.
Honestly, it's hard for me to understand why my nearing-30-years-old friends freak out about their age....they say that's because I'm "so young," of course. For some reason, I think of five years back as much younger, but five years ahead as not so much older at all. I don't know....maybe it bothers me that my "older" friends talk as they do because I'm losing my confidence that I won't feel just the same way when I reach that age.
I'd like to think I'll think the same way then as I do now, but let's face it...I'm just going to call it like I've been seeing it...there is apparently something terrible about being 30 and unmarried. I guess when you're 25, there's supposedly still so much promise ahead of you, but somehow in the intermittence of those short five years, promise turns into desperation -- if you're still single, that is. I keep telling my friends that no one on prime time tv (you know, where all is hip and chic) gets married until post-30, but that's usually when my friends roll their eyes at me.
I hate that so much of our hope for a happy life hangs on finding our soulmates. I really, really do. It's so distracting; it's so hard to focus on living for others and living for God when that deeply rooted desire is so consuming just because it's unfulfilled. I have friends who placate themselves (or try to) by remind themselves that the Lord is supposed to be our passion and portion and all that, and maybe that works for them...it doesn't seem to for me, because it just makes me feel more guilty -- because knowing that intellectually doesn't do much for me relationally or emotionally, which seems like another spiritual failing and I have enough guilt issues that I don't care to add to them by thinking about that..
Mainly, I love to enjoy the life God has given me, but the concerns of my older, likewise-single friends are scaring me into thinking this could one day cease to be the case...I don't want that. I'm not sure how to escape it, though. I'd rather be married before thirty, but if that doesn't happen, how am I supposed avoid the dreaded Bridget Jones singleton-as-pariah self-characterization? Please, please tell me that there are morally sound, content 30-year-olds out there who don't think their life is over because they're single but instead are still cheerfully optimistic about the future.
I'm so sleepy....I wonder if this post will make any sense at all in the morning..
Happy new year, friends.
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2 comments:
amen.
that's all. obviously, no advice from the peanut gallery here!
While I was home, my parents were asking me about dating and all that. I told my mom that my life plan was to work hard on building my career just like most people who are single at 27 do.
You can't make love happen. The more you worry about it and think about it, the more you become desperate. And honestly, I've tried to stop thinking about "the one that got away" too. This isn't conducive to one's sanity or avoiding desperation.
ENJOY yourself. Be ambitious. Find a passion in your work and in your personal life.
Melinda, you are doing an amazing job of all those things. Keep it up.
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