Every Motive Suspect?

A friend's post (scroll up) called to mind one of the long bus-ride conversations of which I had the privilege to be a part in Costa Rica this summer.

There might have been refreshingly cold air whipping past me as I pitched along a cave-dark mountain "road." Or there might have been thick, sticky air that would have lain stagnant among the masses of warm bodies crowding around me, were it not for the relief of the slightly-cooler breezes coming from the window. I might have looked out onto absolutely lush, rolling pastures straight out of Tolkien's (well, Jackson's) Hobbiton, or I might have seen a shimmering glimpse of sea from over the tops of mountains on the other side of a valley.

Whatever might have surrounded me outside, on the inside my mind was searching itself, searching my heart--and coming up with what I felt to be some very disheartening news: everything I do, no matter how altruistic or selfless I may think it, comes down to making myself feel good. Along the course of this conversation with my traveling partner-in-crime, I "decided" that I do good for people because it makes me happy to see them happy and encouraged, it makes me feel fulfilled to know I effected someone positively. I "decided" that whatever I don't do that could hurt someone, I don't do because I'll feel bad later if I think I hurt/disappointed them.

Now, though, I think that's a pretty crappy way of looking at things. If I were to continue with that line of thinking, I could logically have no choice but to grieve everything I ever did with respect to anyone else. And grief necesitated by logic leaves no room for grace. So scratch that theory.

I don't really feel like writing more, so suffice it to say that right there is just one more way that God's illogical grace is completely, entirely vital.


Sometimes I don't understand how people don't see that...