ShellyRhettLink

I would just like to put in plugs for my friends Shelly of the Shelly Moore Band and Rhett and Link of...Rhett & Link. (Okay, so I've never actually met Link...but it's almost like you just can't say Rhett anymore without also saying Link. Sorry, Rhett. 'n'Link.)

Both exceptionally talented groups, one is currently promoting their beautifully crafted album of heartfelt worship(ful) songs, and the other is launching their coverage of their Alka-Seltzer Great American Road Trip today. Personally, I think one is among the cream of the crop of Christian artists out there, and the other is going to soon be giving those FreeCreditReport.com and Embarq guys all a run for their money. How Shelly is going to pull it off I just don't know, but....kidding. I'm pretty sure their pictures give an idea of who would be doing what..

But you know what they both are? AWESOME. Check them out.

Halos? Really?

Corporate people tend to see cause marketing (when corporations and businesses align themselves with a cause or charity - like the partnership between McDonalds' and St. Jude Children's Research Hospital) as a great beneficial relationship, one that raises money and positive notoriety for the cause and boosts goodwill (and thus possibly sales) toward the corporation.

I've heard non-corporate people make scathing remarks about cause marketing as an empty, shallow ploy that exploits charity for the corporation's own gain.

I don't think it's ever so black-and-white, 100% of the time. I don't doubt that there are some businesses that, were cause marketing a nonexistent concept, are truly driven by selfish (or at the least, ignorant) people who would see no reason to help others if it doesn't help them -- but there are others that would engage in charitable practices anyway, because it's the right and socially responsible thing to do.

And I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a corporate marketing director working on cause marketing who is sniggering greedily about what an unwitting tool their charity is.

I do admit that it feels a bit odd to have a ceremony to "hand out the halos;" that seems taking it a bit far...but if cause marketing benefits a cause that could use the help (as most all causes could), does it matter if the company's intentions are less than purely altruistic?

Even if I wasn't a hippie...

...there's still no way I would ever understand the mindset that drives women to do this: http://www.newsobserver.com/105/story/1093016.html

There is a 14-year-old girl who was forced to be a sex slave right here in Wake County, NC.

I encourage you to read this and other news about human trafficking going on in our country, and in our state. The abolitionist group I'm involved with has a wiki set up that includes state and national articles (see "Media Reports")...including a story from the N&O today about a sex trafficking case right here in Wake County.

ramble and muse..

I just had an interesting question/thought.

Since my "depressive period" three years ago, I have had to make a continual and active effort to never return there, to never indulge in those lines of thinking that I know can lead me there. In times of crisis it is necessarily a more concentrated effort, and that is where I find myself now, with my lovely big health insurance nightmare.

Anyway, my tendencies (or I think that's actually too strong of a word...but I can't think of a lesser one for now) being something I'm more conscious of these days, I've had the subject of depression on my mind more - well, because of that and also just because it's a subject that kind of fascinates me, as a matter of psychology and sociology.

ANYway, just now in the midst of one of said musings, it struck me how there would be so many more healthy and happy people (or at least, perhaps, healthier and happier) were it not for shame. When I look back on my own experiences, finally learning to be open with others about my hardship was hands down the first and biggest movement toward a recovery. The thing that prevented this step for nearly half a year was, quite irrefutably, shame. People thought I had things together. I didn't want anyone to know I was broken.

And then it struck me how so many women involved in some kind of abuse or trafficking or exploitation don't seek help because of shame, because the pain they live in somehow seems better than the pain of being exposed. Some cultures actually even hold to the belief that, for example, a woman who is raped has been shamed and she should rather die than be exposed and bring shame to her family. As if it was her choice to start with.

And so my question is, WHY? If our culture(s) didn't denigrate people who have fallen victim to depression, abuse, mental illness etc., I truly believe many individuals would feel so much freer to seek the help they need, be it medical, legal, or maybe just a conversation with a friend.

The real shame is how people respond to the broken. Brokenness in certain forms is disturbing to "non-broken" people who don't know how to deal with with it, and so they don't want to hear about it. And that's the sentiment that our society has built itself on (maybe it's better than 50 years ago, but there's still a long way to go), and those who are broken know this, they feel it, and so they keep quiet in their own little mental dungeons.

And the funny thing is, I don't actually believe that "non-broken" people exist. I'm not sure why over time, certain things got singled out to have shame attached to them, why there are some things that people just don't like to talk about. It took me over a year, I think, to be able to talk freely about depression, and now it's no big deal - to me. But I still get the feeling that for someone to speak freely about something like that, to someone who has never experienced anything similar, it is a bit shocking and uncomfortable. And I think that's a problem.

Slavery STILL Exists (i.e., if you want to stay in the dark, don't read this)

I have been digging through the world of human trafficking for the past half-year, and am continually becoming convinced that one of the greatest shames, one of the greatest tragedies, is that so many people in the United States and throughout the world have no idea that this is even going on.

Almost every one I know in this fight has a story similar to mine, and it's one with a common theme of shock. I mean, I'd always known about "sweatshops" and "sex slaves" and the like, but really, I had no idea...I didn't think about it much. I didn't know it was like this. I didn't know the trade of human beings is the third most active criminal enterprise worldwide, next only to drugs and firearms. I didn't know that numbers-wise, slavery captures many more lives today than did the transatlantic slave trade of a couple centuries ago.

* * *

Though not technically visually graphic, this video is disturbing, as it should be. But if you can't watch it, at least watch the second one, for Radiohead's "All I Need."

Communitas.

There's a big push in the Christian world (at least, among my generation) toward all things "community" and "relationships" and the like. I am intrigued by it all, from New Monasticism to Nieu Communities to less-hardcore versions like my church's "journey groups" (intentional, spiritually-focused relationships between three or four of the church body).

I can't say I embrace it all though, at least not practically. Part of me thrills at the thought of being refined by fire (as it surely would be for this girl, who loves her privacy dearly) through an intimate community of believers that reaches out to the surrounding community-at-large just as much as it grows closer and more connected to each other and God from within.

But...

The problem with the other (bigger) part of me is that, ironically, I have finally achieved what I have been aiming to achieve for the last 24 years. I am settled in a nice apartment in a lovely part of town with a great roommate and a wonderful church and great friends and a good job, and am heartily time-invested in several causes that are important to me...and the last thing I want to do is to shake all that up.

And I will admit something that I have never before dared to admit beyond the confines of my own mind: for several years, I've had a Jonah-esque fear that God may one day ask me let him shake my life up, and move me far, far away to who knows where, to do who knows what.

I've never admitted that aloud, because I have this dumb idea that I will jinx it into happening if I do (as if I could trick God into not asking, simply by never mentioning it...)

I think that's one reason I have been pretty adamant about not ever making big life plans for anything further than 6 months out - because if God did want me to do something totally uncomfortable, at least it might be less painful than if I had to be absolutely ripped away from the roots I had been so focused on growing..

That, and (and this might sound stupid, but it's honest) I have this idea that doing anything for God - like moving to a rural South American community, or joining a ministerial community in my own state, or what have you - means begging people for money, and the very thought of that makes my insides cringe. Fundraising makes me miserable - it rubs hard against the grain of my very personality, and I never want to have to do it.

Ah, me. Call me a coward, but I'm just not going to think about any of that much, for now.

proceso, no producto...

orrr, not.

I normally love that philosophy I first learned from from my favorite Spanish teacher, "process, not product." But as far as this new knee goes, I'm all about getting this process over and getting the final product.

However, good news is that apparently "I must be a fast healer" as my PT said today, as the process is going very well. Though, if there's one word that I would use to describe this whole process, it would be, irrefutably: weird.

Weird, because...

• One's first surgery experience is necessarily so, I think. I don't remember falling asleep, or waking up. And I never thought I could possibly be so glad for a bedpan as I was at about 2pm on April 24. Thank goodness I was on inhibition-reducing drugs, or else I would probably have refused it...and that just couldn't have ended well.

• When everything you do requires very slow, incremental movements (or in the first week, hardly any movement at all), you get into a time warp. I have been in a time warp for 12 days, almost two weeks since my surgery!! What?? How? (Everything takes so long to do, and with so much concentration and carefulness, that time actually goes by very quickly..and yet I never seem to be getting much done.)

• It's so strange that one week of sitting in a chair weakens you so much that you'll take months and months to recover your strength.

• I feel like an elderly person. In addition to my crutches I have a walker in the kitchen, a cane in the bathroom and a chair in the shower (the last three of which belong to my grandma...who apparently is getting around much better than I am these days). And now that I'm weaning off of one crutch, I am walking (shuffling) even more slowly now.

• Perhaps the strangest (and most wonderful) thing is that I have experienced next-to-no pain this whole time, and with minimal help from strong meds (which I quit after about six days anyway, because they were making me sick!) I think I can only attribute that to the prayers on my behalf, because that definitely makes no sense! So thank you if you prayed!...the doctors did a phenomenal job, or I have a super pain-resisting body, or something, but I am so grateful that on top of the many inconveniences, the only bodily discomfort I've really had to deal with was side affects from the drugs during the first week. Even PT isn't very bad...I didn't even remember to take Tylenol beforehand today and I was fine.

12 days down, about six months to go...but I seriously think I've about finished the hardest part, thank God!!!!!

(that picture was actually the day of the surgery...the Robogirl leg has been gone for about a week now, replaced with a very misshapen-but-getting-stronger-every-day appendage. I'll take that.)

well, shoot haha

So not only am I getting my knee cut up tomorrow, but to add insult to injury (hmm..no pun intended), I just found my first gray hair. I am SHOCKED I tell you, SHOCKED!

hehe :P It's all good though...that's actually funny to me. Especially considering that only a few days ago did I tell my hairstylist that if I got my dad's genes, I wouldn't see any gray until I was in my 40's.

Thanks Mom ;)

Where's the line?

My somewhat recent (if a year is recent) foray into the world of social justice has kind of messed up my life. And I'm not talking in that euphemistic way of describing "how glad I am to have found my calling and I'll never be the same yaddayadda..." I suppose that is true, but when I think of "messed up," I really am thinking in terms of inconvenience. Discomfort. Annoyance. Irritation.

It's really incovenient that: my conscience won't allow me to shop at Victoria's Secret anymore, because the word "sweatshop" has a much more robust meaning to me these days.

It's annoying that: I feel as if I'll be more apt to be perceived as prudish these days, because my work against modern slavery has opened my eyes to how our society distorts and abuses sexuality in a way that contributes to so much harm in so, so many ways.

It's irritating that: my work in women's safety and abolitionism has replaced my inoculation to violence with an aversion to it, to the extent that my television and cinema entertainment choices have become more limited.

It sucks that: my most recent attendance at a show of a certain favorite 80's party band was probably my last, because for the first time I found myself unable to brush off or excuse their explicit raunchiness-as-performance-shtick.

...and I could go on. But not indefinitely, because I haven't yet become willing to be a martyr for the idea of social justice itself...

I've been wrestling with a concept that is at the foundation of my abolition group Jubilee - "standing for justice, rejoicing in freedom" - freedom in both the physical sense and all the metaphysical senses. One Jubilee woman once shared about a friend who was completely obsessed with only eating slow (local) foods, buying only free-trade items, taking great care to never accidentally support anything that directly or indirectly harmed anyone or anything...and if you consider what it would take to live that way, that is not freedom...that is being chained down by an idea.

But of course it's not a bad idea, right? I mean, you're being a responsible, caring, "good person." But I just think that something is lost when you make your life almost impossible to live for the sake of never having anything to do with something even remotely tainted.

But do I think it's okay to let some things slide? Well, I can't say that I do. But I do let things slide; I choose to not research every little thing I buy/do/eat/etc. because I don't want to go crazy.

...But part of me really wishes I had the fortitude and discipline to be like that stringently conscious woman.

...But part of me doesn't want to hear about another favorite company that uses sweatshops or another entertaining t.v. show that has faulty sexual morals, because I don't want to feel compelled to sacrifice yet one more thing...nor do I think a life burdened by solid sacrifices is any way to live, particularly if I claim to have freedom in Christ.

...But then I'm struck with how unfair it is that I have the choice to either sacrifice enjoyment/convenience or to let things slide, whereas so many others in the world do not.

But, but, but.........clearly I have not resolved this issue in my mind. I wonder if I ever will?..

it's time

"it's times like these you learn to live again
it's times like these you give and give again
it's times like these you learn to love again"




[love it]

twitter THIS. what.

So I've seen twitterings all over the place lately, and I finally felt like I had to know what it is. I've intentionally avoided it up til now, because: as a "communications professional," I am forever being inundated with webinars, newsletters, emails, etc etc etcetcetectetdcet about Social Freakin' Media. I promise, it is the buzzword in the communications sector...and I am sick of it! Now, I like my Facebook to keep up with people, but beyond that I just don't like the idea of using the faceless (no pun intended) internet for what I consider to be essentially faux-relationship building. And at the risk of sounding hypocritical, this blog is mainly for catharsis and practice...I'm not exactly trying to find life-long friends here.

I tried to explain this to my father the other day (specifically, telling him I found LinkedIn to be useless to me), at which he point he proceeded to lecture me on how, if I want to advance myself professionally, I really need to learn how to use it (and he would be happy to teach me).

AHHH!

* * *

In other news - this season is the first time I've watched AI in about...mmm, probably four or five years, and I have to say, Jason Castro wins me over just about every time. No hay más remedio.

But until last night, I have never before actually been sad about an American Idol contestant getting the boot. I'm sorry, Michael Johns. And I can't believe I ever used to like Ryan "I'm going to make you think we'll give you a break like at last year's Idol Gives Back, and then crush this falsely-raised hope beneath my Gucci shoe" Seacrest...what a jerk. That's too sensationalist, even for Idol.

Target is creepy

I don't often have occasion to go to Target...partly because I feel this need to not allow myself to get attached to it...like there's something slightly weird about it.

Even before you go into the store (like I had to do today), you see these commercials practically designed to hypnotize you. And then once you get inside the store and make a purchase...I feel like somehow, likely in a very cute way, you are supporting The Man.

Seriously, every time I go into a Target it reminds me of that "Josie & the Pussycats" movie because of the subliminal messages. hah.

Oprah's Big Give - what do YOU think?

"Bundles of CASH...what would YOU do?"
-from "Oprah's Big Give" website

Now, Oprah's Big Give is a new show this season that "defies television convention with the bold idea of people competing to give rather than get."

And I just can't decide what I think about it.

Are some lives being changed for the better? I'm sure of it. Is this something Oprah cooked up because it was a sure-fire ratings coup? I doubt that was the only motivation...I mean, there are obvious pros to the show. I just wonder if the less-obvious cons outweigh them.

Is the "good feeling" produced by the show worth it, or is it just going to be a fad that will fade as does the show's novelty (or existence)? Does it just boil down to yet another an exploitation of the warm fuzzies for the sake of a successful sweeps run?

Similarly, some folks even question the value of American Idol's wildly popular "Idol Gives Back" show, saying that the amount of money spent promoting it isn't justified by the amount donated (though I would insert that SOME money definitely does have to be spent on promotion).

Questions, questions...if you're so inclined to respond, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

listen: porn is *not* okay.

I just have to say this - call it ranting if you like; I call it pleading.

I spend a lot of my time trying to make this world in which I live safer for other women, through helping with self-defense/rape prevention training and through the anti-human trafficking movement (a.k.a., the modern abolitionist movement). So I've become quite familiar with a lot of the stories and the issues that thread their way through the huge problems of sexual assault and sex trafficking (which overlap, of course).

There are a lot of causes for both of these problems, but one that really, really breaks my heart is the porn industry - because there are so many people, good people, who don't grasp the harm they're inflicting by engaging with the porn industry.

It's common, especially in this age of accessibility. It's so common that it's easy to joke about and write off--I know there are plenty of people who don't want to admit it's wrong, and plenty more who seriously don't see the big deal, period. But let me break it down for you:

1) Both the supply of and demand for porn create a need for "talent." Some individuals supply this of their own free will; some do not. Trafficked women and children are sexually exploited every day, in ways that you don't want to imagine, for the sake of sustaining the porn industry (as well as all other markets of the sex industry).
2) Maybe you personally think you respect women, but the porn industry feeds an incredibly dangerous mindset of contempt and disregard for women (again, like all other aspects of the sex industry). This mindset is what allows for unspeakable things to be done to women for the sake of money, pleasure and power.

So to anyone who is a porn consumer, or anyone who is involved with the production of it, I have no condemnation for you here, because I'm a completely imperfect person myself and am in no place to judge you. But what I do have for you here is a plea - please, commit to stop; commit to getting out. Find a way. You're contributing to something so much bigger than yourself. And it's something evil; there's no way around it.

(It's actually a bigger issue than just pornography and even bigger than the sex industry, but I don't have the energy to go into it right now....you can read this post (especially the end) by my friend Traci to see more of what I'm talking about.)

sfjoweghsl&*@#dj

I hope for the sake of The Frames & Marketa Irglova that they have a bunch of fans in the Triangle who can afford these kinds of ridiculous ticket prices, because it would be a disappointment to any artist to have a "sold-out show" in a half-empty theater.

Meymandi has 1,700 seats. They were all sold in less than one week. If that is because there are a lot of people who recognize and appreciate Glen Hansard & Marketa's amazing artistry, then that's okay.

If it is because a bunch of scalpers are trying to capitalize on an Oscar win, and thus effectively separating said Oscar-winners from the people for whom they made the music (aka, people who enjoy it), then that is not okay.

It's not that I'm complaining about missing the opportunity to see some of my favorite musicians. It's that I'm struck with the irony of Glen Hansard's Oscar speech closer, "Make art! Make art!"

...because the trouble is, SCALPERS RUIN ART.

it's official - she's going under the knife!

And under the drill, and...just going under, period. I had already decided that if I liked the Duke ACL specialist I met with on Monday, I'd go ahead and schedule my surgery with him, and that's what happened. I definitely feel like I'm in good hands, and he was also just a nice guy, which is kind of important to me in a doctor for some reason. Plus, they're slightly more innovative in their ACL reconstruction methods there.

It was kinda cool too because the resident who first attended me used to do tae kwon do and had done something similar to his knee, so he understood and was able to help me explain the mechanics of my injury to Dr. Garrett. I think I'm his first kickboxing ACL injury, go me ;) hehe.

Turns out I was correct about my left knee too, which I strained back in December: it was a similar kind of strain, except without the actual tear. I.e., I'm going to insist that my physical therapist work with me on both knees...it only makes sense, since my l. knee didn't have a chance to get back to 100% before I messed up the other one.

Anyway, April 24 is the day!

Kinda weird.

when Sunday School meets real life

The ironic thing about clichés is that, even though we're inclined to disregard them (or even look down on them), the very fact that they're based in truth is why they became clichés to begin with.

A big cliché in the Christian faith is "to surrender"...to surrender your life to Christ, to surrender your problems to God, to surrender what you want and think is best and to trust in the Lord instead.

I've heard that language all my life, literally - but like most of the "Sunday school lessons" I've learned since I was old enough to talk, it's so much more easily said than done.

What does that mean, to surrender? Seriously, what? hah. It's a continual process, I do know that for sure. I mean, there's the beginning, that first decision to trust in God and his promise of redemption...but then it's like the rest of your life is a continual series of chances to keep surrendering...or to hold back, whether you mean to or not. Not that God's redemption is conditional on your being able to keep it together, thank goodness, since there's this little thing called being human that kind of gets in the way sometimes..

But the irony about this is that things have a way of getting so much easier when you "give it up to God," and yet it's pretty hard to do sometimes. really hard sometimes.

melindapoesía.

I think it was sophomore year of college when I started writing poems. Can't say that I would actually call what I wrote back then "poetry," but you have to start somewhere, no?

It's so interesting to go back and re-read your own poems. For some, I know without even thinking what it is that inspired them. And then some of them were clearly (to me) written in times of great internal distress...and yet I have absolutely no idea what they're about. Kind of puts things in perspective!..

I decided to finally put them in one public place - not all of them, but the last few years' worth of finished poems, anyway.

It's been a long while since I've written any. Or written anything at all, for that matter. Not sure why that is, although I suspect it's because my life has been pretty darn good for the past half year or so. Not much apparent need for catharsis, you know.

Of course, if the past month or so is any indication, that may change soon, but that's okay; I enjoy writing and have long since accepted that my (and, probably most people's) inclination and inspiration to write almost always comes from a source of irritation (or worse).

* * *

A couple weeks ago I had the privilege of visiting my dear friend and former pastor and had a fascinating and basically life-changing conversation with him (which somehow always seems to happen when I get to really talk with him). Which I'll probably write about later. Anyway, at one point in our conversation, he recalled a friend telling him, "You are a poet."

To which he replied, "Well, I feel too damn disturbed to be of any use to anybody!"

To which his friend replied, "I've never met a poet who wasn't disturbed!"

Annnd I think that's just fine. Don't believe I could have put it better myself.

let the "games" begin.

As many of you already know, my little knee injury from a few weeks ago turned out to be a torn ACL that requires surgery. And that equals Melinda having a jolly time running to this appointment and that appointment and making this phone call to the insurance company and another call to the insurance company and another call...it's lovely...but something I'm really excited about is I have an appointment on Monday with this guy. He and his nurse are going to "talk with me about their ACL protocol," whatever that means; I just hope it includes "I'd be happy to be your surgeon" because I seriously can't imagine finding better credentials! As a friend told me last night, if you're gonna get hurt, the Triangle is the place to do it. hah :)

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and kind words and encouragement...I'm dealing with the whole idea much better now and am pressing ahead to move this thing along! Of course, the hardest part is potentially a month or two away, yet (the post-surgery rehab). I apologize in advance for the complaining that will inevitably slip past my lips once that starts...but hopefully the attitude I have now will somehow carry me through the coming 6-9 (-12?) months. Because, I am weirdly chipper about the whole thing right now, hah. I think that's because of all the people - including people who just met me! - who are being awesome support with the whole thing. Thanks! :)