I know that's an odd way to start a blog post, but it's true. I know so many people who have been (/are) hurt and affected by it. I'm not in a "questioning-God-frame-of-mind" at this point in my life, but if I was I'm sure that would be at the top of my list.
Two of the four funerals I went to last year were because of cancer. Most of my relatives that have passed away during my lifetime have done so as a result of cancer. And I know plenty of people who are still here with us, but struggling against this complex, monstrous disease of many forms, including my own dear sweet grandmother.
I hate it.
I'm glad to say that, though, because frankly, I've been beginning to worry lately if my compassion for these kinds of things was momentarily tapped out. I don't mean to sound macabre, but death (i.e. many deaths) has been so much a part of my life in the past two years, that recently it hasn't been affecting me the way it once did, or the way I think it should, in terms of an emotional compassionate response to those who are involved. When my mom told me my grandmother had cancer, I'm pretty sure she was a little confused by my response, because I acted like she had just told me she was headed to the grocery store.
I'm not at all saying that I think about it all the time, but I can't deny that death has been a theme in my life these past two years, and I worry how long it's going to continue, with aging relatives and all that...
And just for now I won't go into why I believe death does not need to be a journey ending in darkness for the person who experiences it directly....but for the rest of us, for those who perhaps have to watch (or maybe worse, don't have a chance to watch) and then are left behind, it can be dark sometimes. It's a very hard thing.
Sorry for the selfish downer post and I hope it doesn't make anyone feel bad...just had to get it out of my system for today so that I can get back to and focus on enjoying the full life of the living...
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