[sparked by that question every woman loves to hear from her mother, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Gotta love it.]
In college, dating was by no means something I was disinterested in, but neither was it much of a priority (if you knew me then, I know you're just shocked). I always wondered why I didn't get all crazy and weepy about my lack of a love life, because it seemed like most girls who likewise didn't have one were at least pining for one, but I didn't exactly feel that way. Which was fine with me.
Come graduation, though, that story sure did change - suddenly my friends were getting married, and I wanted to, too! For the first time in my life, I was *not* okay with being alone. I wanted somebody to "share my experiences with" (okay, so part of my motive was honestly just to have someone to cushion the impending blow of the Real World)...plus "everyone" I knew was getting married, and it was contagious. I like weddings...but eventually, after five or six in a year....you start...to..get a little....antsy..
Now a year out, I'm tumbling around somewhere in the middle. Yeah, I'd love to be married four or five years from now, which means dating someone important...like..soon, but I'll admit, I really like being single right now...maybe too much. I don't know. Between work and, well, more work, I feel like I barely have enough time for myself as it is, and the idea of fitting someone else into my life-space doesn't even seem conceivable. And lets face it, boys make girls crazy and I like my crazy at the manageable level it's currently at, thank you. Plus, if ever there was a committment-phobe, I Am She. As in, I have a hard time committing to even just being nice to a guy, much less anything more....stop laughing and nodding, Michelle. Plus...I know everyone has neuroses, but I'm particularly afraid of mine, and am still trying to find a balance between working them out and understanding that I never completely will.
That said, I know about God's timing and all that (so now you can forget that comment you were going to leave), and it just happens that I've never once thought of myself as being one of the rare "called to lifelong singleness" ones - I pretty much know I'm going to be married. It's just a matter of when. 27, 30 or 37? My mid-fifties, never-married aunt looks to be nearing Marriage Land, which is so great! But I really don't want to wait that long.
When my mom popped the question, I gave her a flippantly exhasperated "I don't know, Mom," then backed up with my standard, "because my church and neighborhood consist of college students, at work there are only women and gay men, and basically all my guy friends are married or almost so." Which, of course, paints a picture of it having nothing to do with me or my own choices...which is not the real case. I've played a big role in my current status, for better or for worse.
Funny, I don't really know how to end this. Which is appropriate, I guess.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Well said Melinda.
My parents asked me the same question, but in a less-direct manner this weekend (slightly surprising since my mom and dad are very direct). I also quasi-stumbled through an answer, all the time knowing that it was mostly me who has played a role in being there.
My dad made an interesting comment though. He said "I think the thing for you will be that when you settle down, it will be a challenge after being single for a few years and on your own because you'll be independent and singleness makes you more selfish". I first thought "whatever", but the more I think about it, the more I see his point. I can see myself getting slowly more selfish and disinterested in accomodating others because I'm always free to go home away from anyone. It sounds like you're mentioning some of the same things.
You said you played a big role in your current status. I think whether most of us would want to admit it or not (it's so easy to blame everyone else, isn't it?), we are at fault for where we're at...like you said, for better or for worse.
But I'd like to think that my time in singleland is making me better, both as a man and as a potential husband. I think it is, at least. From the sound of your blogs (i haven't seen you in ages, so that's all I've got to go on) it sounds like it's doing the same thing for you.
i hope so!
ditto on the getting more selfish and less accomodating bit though, yikes. i'm hanging my hopes on the "betterment" part canceling that out :P
Post a Comment