sfjoweghsl&*@#dj

I hope for the sake of The Frames & Marketa Irglova that they have a bunch of fans in the Triangle who can afford these kinds of ridiculous ticket prices, because it would be a disappointment to any artist to have a "sold-out show" in a half-empty theater.

Meymandi has 1,700 seats. They were all sold in less than one week. If that is because there are a lot of people who recognize and appreciate Glen Hansard & Marketa's amazing artistry, then that's okay.

If it is because a bunch of scalpers are trying to capitalize on an Oscar win, and thus effectively separating said Oscar-winners from the people for whom they made the music (aka, people who enjoy it), then that is not okay.

It's not that I'm complaining about missing the opportunity to see some of my favorite musicians. It's that I'm struck with the irony of Glen Hansard's Oscar speech closer, "Make art! Make art!"

...because the trouble is, SCALPERS RUIN ART.

it's official - she's going under the knife!

And under the drill, and...just going under, period. I had already decided that if I liked the Duke ACL specialist I met with on Monday, I'd go ahead and schedule my surgery with him, and that's what happened. I definitely feel like I'm in good hands, and he was also just a nice guy, which is kind of important to me in a doctor for some reason. Plus, they're slightly more innovative in their ACL reconstruction methods there.

It was kinda cool too because the resident who first attended me used to do tae kwon do and had done something similar to his knee, so he understood and was able to help me explain the mechanics of my injury to Dr. Garrett. I think I'm his first kickboxing ACL injury, go me ;) hehe.

Turns out I was correct about my left knee too, which I strained back in December: it was a similar kind of strain, except without the actual tear. I.e., I'm going to insist that my physical therapist work with me on both knees...it only makes sense, since my l. knee didn't have a chance to get back to 100% before I messed up the other one.

Anyway, April 24 is the day!

Kinda weird.

when Sunday School meets real life

The ironic thing about clichés is that, even though we're inclined to disregard them (or even look down on them), the very fact that they're based in truth is why they became clichés to begin with.

A big cliché in the Christian faith is "to surrender"...to surrender your life to Christ, to surrender your problems to God, to surrender what you want and think is best and to trust in the Lord instead.

I've heard that language all my life, literally - but like most of the "Sunday school lessons" I've learned since I was old enough to talk, it's so much more easily said than done.

What does that mean, to surrender? Seriously, what? hah. It's a continual process, I do know that for sure. I mean, there's the beginning, that first decision to trust in God and his promise of redemption...but then it's like the rest of your life is a continual series of chances to keep surrendering...or to hold back, whether you mean to or not. Not that God's redemption is conditional on your being able to keep it together, thank goodness, since there's this little thing called being human that kind of gets in the way sometimes..

But the irony about this is that things have a way of getting so much easier when you "give it up to God," and yet it's pretty hard to do sometimes. really hard sometimes.

melindapoesía.

I think it was sophomore year of college when I started writing poems. Can't say that I would actually call what I wrote back then "poetry," but you have to start somewhere, no?

It's so interesting to go back and re-read your own poems. For some, I know without even thinking what it is that inspired them. And then some of them were clearly (to me) written in times of great internal distress...and yet I have absolutely no idea what they're about. Kind of puts things in perspective!..

I decided to finally put them in one public place - not all of them, but the last few years' worth of finished poems, anyway.

It's been a long while since I've written any. Or written anything at all, for that matter. Not sure why that is, although I suspect it's because my life has been pretty darn good for the past half year or so. Not much apparent need for catharsis, you know.

Of course, if the past month or so is any indication, that may change soon, but that's okay; I enjoy writing and have long since accepted that my (and, probably most people's) inclination and inspiration to write almost always comes from a source of irritation (or worse).

* * *

A couple weeks ago I had the privilege of visiting my dear friend and former pastor and had a fascinating and basically life-changing conversation with him (which somehow always seems to happen when I get to really talk with him). Which I'll probably write about later. Anyway, at one point in our conversation, he recalled a friend telling him, "You are a poet."

To which he replied, "Well, I feel too damn disturbed to be of any use to anybody!"

To which his friend replied, "I've never met a poet who wasn't disturbed!"

Annnd I think that's just fine. Don't believe I could have put it better myself.

let the "games" begin.

As many of you already know, my little knee injury from a few weeks ago turned out to be a torn ACL that requires surgery. And that equals Melinda having a jolly time running to this appointment and that appointment and making this phone call to the insurance company and another call to the insurance company and another call...it's lovely...but something I'm really excited about is I have an appointment on Monday with this guy. He and his nurse are going to "talk with me about their ACL protocol," whatever that means; I just hope it includes "I'd be happy to be your surgeon" because I seriously can't imagine finding better credentials! As a friend told me last night, if you're gonna get hurt, the Triangle is the place to do it. hah :)

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and kind words and encouragement...I'm dealing with the whole idea much better now and am pressing ahead to move this thing along! Of course, the hardest part is potentially a month or two away, yet (the post-surgery rehab). I apologize in advance for the complaining that will inevitably slip past my lips once that starts...but hopefully the attitude I have now will somehow carry me through the coming 6-9 (-12?) months. Because, I am weirdly chipper about the whole thing right now, hah. I think that's because of all the people - including people who just met me! - who are being awesome support with the whole thing. Thanks! :)

a spattering of thoughts

I'm only one week into my doctor-ordered inactivity, and I'm already going stir crazy with boredom...ah me. Three to four days a week of Muay Thai, self-defense and ballet training once upon a time, and now I sit and watch tv and movies all evening. I would write, but my computer is broken, and I would read, but all my books are kind of depressing for some reason. I've definitely got to come up with another plan, because I can almost feel my life wasting away as it gets sucked into that tube of so-called entertainment. There are precious few moments of real, worthwhile entertainment to be had from a television set.

Though, there's something to be said for a season of silence and reflection, but that's a hard, uncomfortable place to go, most times. Which is probably why I should go there. shoot. I'll have to think about that one..

The job isn't so hot right now. I like what I do in and of itself, but lately my position has morphed into something that could only be reasonably handled by two people (which is why I shouldn't be blogging right now). Since I am only one, I'm pretty overwhelmed and frustrated (which is why I am blogging right now). Last night my dad told me that "something is wrong with my job description" if I am ever at a point where I am able to fulfill 100% of my responsibilities. That seems like a jacked-up way of looking at it, but okay. I know this is the "real world," but I still find it strange that people would prefer you to do a bunch of stuff at a mediocre level rather than do fewer things at an excellent level. But that's just me.

Also, I've learned lately (both at and outside of work) that I don't deal with negative people well. As much as I try to shore up myself against the world, I'm still a sensitive person as they say, and have to make a conscious effort not to absorb negativity that is around me. A coworker was, as usual, venting in my office the other day and I told her I couldn't take it anymore and to get out. She thought I was just being funny...I let her think that, but, yeah, I wasn't. hah. I mean, venting is necessary for most of us...but not constantly. yech. I'm thankful most of the people in my life tend more toward the positive....(though I feel compelled to say to my wonderful roommate Emily, I'm sorry you have to bear the brunt of my complaining and whining; I guess I just have to get it out of my system sometimes :P)

One thing Emily and I have complained about regretted together is the lack of community that settles into your life after the undergraduate years. For most of us, college means living 24/7 with constant access to your friends, in some form or fashion...and then suddenly jobs, relocations, marriages and even just laziness get in the way, and before you know it, what was once a simple showing up at your friend's apartment to hang out is now a complex production full of timing issues, rescheduling and cancellations.

I'm surviving just fine without everything else that was great about college...but I do miss the community, I miss the ready fellowship. I'm trying, but it's a difficult thing to recreate.

Annnnd now it's definitely time for me to get back to work! hehe.

When the couch potato dives headfirst into a contact sport...

...there are bound to be some laughs.

Especially when that's all you can do, because you still can't believe it.

As in these days, I laugh all the time (in disbelief/irony/fun/bewilderment) at the fact that I, previously the total non-athlete, have been training in Muay Thai for the past few months, and am loving it.

Prior to that, my physical activity mainly consisted of going to the gym about ten times a year (maybe). I mean, I "played" soccer when I was very little...I did gymnastics (and Jazzercise! yeah!), and tried out for track and volleyball in middle and high school. (Can't really say why, since I hate to run and am no good with a ball...)

And that would be it. Well, that's not totally true - I like walking park trails, I like to play catch with my dad, and my roommate and I are re-learning how to ride our bikes after a decade of un-use...

Hah.

So yeah, every once in a while, I think of how odd it is to find boxing gloves on my hands a few nights a week, and to constantly discover inexplicable bruises and scrapes all over my body.

And being only recently initiated to the active world of which sports-related injuries are a natural part, I find it very strange that this Valentine's day will find me hanging out with an orthopedic surgeon. But, since my right knee is currently quite a different shape from my left knee, that is where I will be.

Not that anyone likes to get hurt, but I have never before been so scowl-on-my-face mad about being injured, because it means I don't get to play for a while...I want to play!!! (er...fight?)

But I'll be back. Muwahaha.

warning: rambling post ahead

GRR, I guess it is just one of those days where you're bound to be in a funk and you just have to be okay with it. Of course, I'm sure I could do something about it if I were, say, on vacation at a luxurious island resort :) But since I'm at the office, I'll have to make do with that.

That didn't make much sense but I don't care too much today!

My brain (or, probably more likely, the human brain) works in such weird ways...last night I finished a book called Marley and Me, a book a journalist published a few years ago about life with his crazy Labrador. I had started the book a few months ago as a lite-lit break from all the heady readings I've been doing lately about social justice and women's issues and such. Anyway, as a fellow dog-lover who has a similarly insane pooch, I unexpectedly ended up loving the book, which is very well written. ANYway, I had been putting off the last chapter for about a month, because I knew what it would contain. And last night I decided that if I couldn't handle it in a book I wouldn't be able to handle it in real life, so I finished it.

And cried my eyes out. Geez. And back to the point about weird-brain-workings, reading about Marley dying (in case you didn't figure that part out) naturally made me think of how much I'll miss my own aging puppy when he leaves us in an inevitably short few years, which made me think and grieve again over my family's loss of my cousin Joanna earlier this year. And continuing into this morning, I'm thinking about the dirty little secrets and disappointing truths about the nonprofit sector that most people outside the NGO world assume don't exist, and about the infuriating (to me) divisiveness that often appears to be the predominant feature of the modern-day Church, and I'm reading about inadequate legislation for labor-and-sex-trafficked victims, and about heartbreaking stories of trafficking, rape and domestic abuse survivors, and non-survivors. And I'm reading the blog update of a little baby girl with frustrating brain tumor treatment, and thinking about the two other women I know fighting the side effects of inoperable brain tumors, and wondering why the husband of one of them--my friend and former pastor--hasn't updated his blog in five days.

Just had to get that out...

The past 12 hours have reminded me of a lesson I learned repeatedly when I worked at the Alliance of AIDS Services - that if you're not careful, you can let yourself get distracted from the good things in life by the seemingly overpowering and overshadowing bad things. It's hard when you're burdened to work for the good, because that often means working in the face of the bad, which can almost seem to sap away your hope sometimes.

But you just can't let that happen; you have to believe with everything you've got that there is always more hope.

(preaching to myself, here.)

Jesus Christ Sold Here!

- from last Sunday's PostSecret: -


I don't really get it, either.

(But I'm sure the folks who manufactured these stickers had no motive other than to seriously impact the world.)

Waste not, want not

So I've been unusually tired of late...yawned my way through an entire meeting this morning (and considering only two other people were part of the meeting, I'm thinking they noticed.)

And a muscle in my right shoulder has been twitching off and on all morning...I can see it jumping maniacally beneath my shirt. I always love it when that happens.

But I'm not buying the "you're getting old" shtick...At seven days shy of my 24th year, I personally think I am barely even approaching my "peak," as depressing people call it. I knowww, everyone says, "once you near 30, you'll understand..."

I doubt that, though. Maybe if I lived in the Middle Ages I would, but come on. Why spend your young years worrying about how they're going to come to an end someday, as if there was something you could do about that?

And to the people who make it sound like your life just goes downhill after age 30 (or 40, or 50), I say: obviously you've not observed enough truly "older" people, because then you would surely see (as I have) that even though some parts of life do get crappier, the parts that get better can more than make up for it. Otherwise, "middle and old age" and "happiness" would be mutually exclusive ideas, which they certainly are not.

On the other end, sometimes I feel pressure to "grow up," to prove that I'm an "adult" (whatever that means). But you know what, I'm a responsible person who contributes to society; so what if I happen to indulge in a little silly girlishness now and then? What is the hurry?

So you can have your regrets and your rushing; I'm not about to waste my youth. Thanks but no thanks.

Don't let your gift cards go to waste!

You know that sometimes you don't get around to using up every last dollar (or any dollars, sometimes!) of all those gift cards...850 Words of Relevant mentioned a neat solution out there:

Gift Card Giver

The National Retail Federation found that 81 percent of Americans received a gift card last year, and TowerGroup says that the gift card industry has become a 45 billion dollar operation. With millions of dollars on gift cards going unspent, GiftCardGiver.com wants to use them to help others. If you have unused gift cards (or cards with just a few dollars left on them), you can write the remaining balance on the card and send it to Gift Card Giver. They’ll distribute them to non-profit organizations that will put them into the hands of people in need.

Resolutions are more like guidelines....

So let's see how I did for the 2007 resolutions I posted in December 2006....

Melinda's 2007 Resolutions

1. actually take care of my car
No; in fact, I have been avoiding my maintenance schedule because I'm afraid of what it will tell me ($). I hope you're not reading this Dad
2. utilize my gym more than once a month
Nope, though with ballet and kickboxing I feel like I started to make up for that (at least in the last few months of 2007)
3. stop being crazy
I at least feel slightly less crazy (the bad kind); I began to embrace the good craziness. There is a difference, my friends.
4. improve my work ethic, at least at work
Reached this in part, if not in full...changing to a job i actually like has helped.
5. find work?
DONE whoo hoo! Why was there a question mark?
6. stop freaking out every time someone gets engaged/married
Pretty much got that one down, maybe.
7. find a way to live in Spain without actually leaving the States
no comment
8. write articles for publications that actually pay
I only wrote one article during 2007, so....maybe 2008 is the year.
9. find a way to take dance lessons again
YES i am a ballerinaaaa
10. really learn to trust in/lean on/listen to the Lord
jury's still out
11. get a loop station and become the next Zoe Keating
got the loop station! have yet to try using it. kind of need an amp first...
12. be a much better friend
oo i think i still have a long way to go
13. learn the constellations
i totally forgot about this one
14. go to Raven Rock at least once
no, dang it
15. own and appreciate the fact that i'm an emotional person
got pretty close I think
16. visit my aunt in New York for Thanksgiving
nope
17. play outside a whole lot more
ahhhh, no
18. learn my cello craft more thoroughly
not so much
19. build and learn to play the hammer dulcimer
uh..
20. visit Portland
right
21. stop pretending I don't care about having "someone special"
actually not sure where I even stand on that any more
22. save $
It probably doesn't count if you foolishly squander it all before you really need it
23. finally decide on a tattoo design
I did get closer, at least
24. learn how to be truly honest
Made a little progress, I hope
25. finish a song i'm proud of
i guess? It's mainly finished.
26. volunteer more
Yes.
27. quit doing brainless things like absent-mindedly poking my thumb into a blade to prove it's dull
um..
28. paint
yes, horrah!
29. live somewhere that is not in the middle of nowhere
YES thank God!!
30. stop thinking of myself as a child instead of a woman
still in progress
31. get "Christmas Shoes" banned from the radio
ha...sorry Mike, wherever you are
32. acquire the art of tact
I don't know how to gauge that....em, Michelle?
33. go on a road trip to somewhere that is not the beach
unless you count going to Charlotte by yourself, i guess not
34. write more letters
not so much
35. visit the mountains
nooo :(
36. finally fix up my bike and see about changing "that one great bike ride memory from 10 years ago" to something a bit more current
fix bike: check! ride bike: I thought about it a lot
37. steadily decrease my need for chocolate, cereal, facebook and desserts and computers in general
I just ate cereal and am currently eating chocolate as I write this. and I already used my computer to look at facebook this morning...so I basically sucked this one up
38. stop buying more home decor than actually fits in my space
yep. moving to a smaller space + running out of $ will do that to you
39. figure out what my book's about
oh....i quit wanting to write a book, so..
40. trip it to DC to see my lovely :)
yep! at least on the side of a business trip, anyway
41. learn how to get the most out of my camera
no, DANG it...
42. somehow finally stage that late afternoon field+cello photo shoot i've seen in my brain for 2 years
no again...dang it.

So, overall, I'm happy that I even did some of these. Perhaps a list of 2008 Guidelines will soon follow...

Enjoy music.

Another take on one of my favorite songs...





I think if I could ever be a part of a song like this, that's as close as I'd come to being able to quit music and live off of that memory forever.

who knew?

I just had an exciting (to me) and potentially important epiphany.

For some odd reason, ever since the sixth grade when I realized I had a modest talent and great love for writing, I have operated under the belief that Writing is this great, monolithic, all-encompassing thing at its core. Either you like "it," you're good at "it," or you're not.

So not true. Duh.

At the spurring on of teachers, I almost considered pursuing a career in journalism, but something always made me hesitate. I always felt that wrapped up in such a career would be many bits and angles that are pretty unappealing to my personality. Probably still true. At any rate, I thought that I could probably do it; I just wouldn't like it.

My day job requires some minor writing for our website, a task I rarely look forward to. That sentiment always perplexed me ("but I love to write!") until, um, this morning, when it occurred to me that nothing's wrong; I just don't like that kind of writing because I'm not good at it...because I don't like it.

I imagine that many years pass before a journalist has the privilege of covering exclusively those topics that he or she really cares about. I can't stand writing about things that don't interest me personally. And so I could never be a journalist, at least not a good one, because I would probably be miserable. Forget perseverance; you can't *truly* excel in something you don't even like. Quality without passion will simply never reach highest quality. At least in my opinion.

My epiphany: There's no shame in that! I used to think that if you called yourself A Real Writer, you should be able to do it all--from news reports to opinion pieces to novels (to poetry, even if just as poetic prose). WHERE did I get such an idea? Let's quash that feeling of inadequacy right there...geez.

Of course, the catch is that if I only ever write about what interests me, that severely limits readership (take this blog for example, or this very post, even...heh). Which means it's unlikely I'll ever get paid a dime for my musings. But I'm okay with that now. It's kind of freeing. :)

bet you can't see it just once

The ONCE DVD is coming out today! Hoorah!

not that you should care. but this is my blog, after all.

So maybe things aren't so shabby these days, artistically speaking...I finally finished the painting I started a year ago, and started another canvas project...I got to have some fun recording in a studio again [I think there are few things as exhilarating and fulfilling as hearing yourself recorded for posterity]...and I'm still on track for making all of my Christmas gifts this year. Can't complain. :)

I came dangerously close to my life becoming boring, though, something that hasn't happened since high school. I've finally reached the point in life where there is no foreseeable "next thing," except the workaday life that will continue on indefinitely (the glamour and excitement of which has worn off since I am no longer really new to this job).

But hopefully I have managed to nip this near-boredom in the bud. I'm going to start kickboxing soon, heck yeah. Ballet and kickboxing, what an odd pair that will make. Maybe I will even put them together and create a new dance craze and make instruction videos.

Melinda's Balletboxing...I can see it now.

come baaaack!

I've said this how many times? Too many, I think, for me to still be able to say it. But I miss the art in my life. It's even more accurate in Spanish, me hace falta -- "it creates a lacking in me." And this vacancy is becoming a serious source of irritation.

My life, especially my creativity, is in danger of being consumed by my job, something which I plan to nip in the bud after this week. Given this is the first job I've ever had that I truly enjoy, I can tell it's something I'll have to be cautious about...which is weird. But what I really care about is getting involved in a church and a home group, and then finding a way to get tapped into--or even better, become a part of--"the artist community" of the United States. Whatever that means. But when you get even the tiniest taste of it, all you want is more. And I want it back. And I definitely want it more.

Racial reconciliation and the Church.

A Voice of Healing

(from 850 Words of Relevant)

The events surrounding what has become known as the Jena 6 case have recently underscored the racial tension in the United States. The story of six African-American high-school students, who were suspected of beating up a white classmate, suddenly became an evening-news fixture as the nation watched the details of the case unfold. Weeks before the fight broke out, several white students hung a noose from a tree at the high school, and tension escalated between the racially divided groups. When prosecutors only brought charges against the African-American youths (and many felt the charges were too severe), protestors took to the streets in the town, and suddenly a racial divide was apparent.

We recently had the chance to speak with Efrem Smith, pastor of Sanctuary Covenant in Minneapolis. Along with fostering a multiethnic community at his church, Smith hosts the Time for Reconciliation radio show and speaks on the topic of racial reconciliation.

What’s the vision of your church?
The vision of our church is a Christ-centered community that is multiethnic, that is urban, that is relevant and that is holistic, and that we would equip people in the city to be salt and light, and to be salt and light in a way that it reaches the hurting and the lost.

What are the biggest challenges the Church is facing right now in order to get to racial reconciliation?
Well, churches have to first—and it starts with leadership—come to the understanding that we live in a racialized society that in many ways is a distraction and goes against the kind of community that Christ makes possible through His death and resurrection. Sociologists say and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said that Sunday morning at 11:00 is the most segregated hour in America. We have to see the Gospel message as wanting to do something about that and as going against that racialized norm of our society.

What are your expectations for the next generation coming up in the Church?
Well, I think that in this generation, in the emerging generation, there is a hunger, a desire, a genuine felt need for something other than what our grandparents and parents grew up in, in terms of a very rigid racial, racialized society rooted in individualism. And I expect this generation of youth and young adults especially to forge new identities and a new reality of what community is, and how we live life in an ever-increasing multiethnic, multicultural world.

What do you think the Church’s reaction should be to something like the Jena 6 case?
I think that the Church needs two things when you look at a situation like the Jena 6 situation. One is, the Church needs to be a voice of healing, of unity, of peace, of forgiveness. We need to uplift those things that I think are the real fruits of the spirit and that really model the work of Jesus Christ when He walked the earth.

The second thing, though, is the Church has to be prophetic and be honest that racism is still an injustice that has not gone away. And I think that there’s a segment—not all, but there’s a segment—of European Americans who live in a place of privilege and don’t recognize that race is still a very important issue in our country.

Is there a way to get that certain segment to recognize what’s going on?
Yes. I think that when we realize that based on Matthew chapter 1, the genealogy of Jesus, that Jesus walked the earth as a multiethnic human being. He wasn’t white. You can’t just make Him all African either, but He walked the earth as a multiethnic human being. When we realize that the first Christian community and church as we know it was multiethnic, and when we also realize and understand that the place we’re going to live eternally, heaven, is multiethnic, then I think we’re able to question, Well, then, why have we lifted up a Christ, a Church and a Gospel that is fundamentally Eurocentric in nature and Westernized? And when you’re not able to acknowledge that and deal with that, putting limits on how we view Jesus and how we view the Church, how we view the Good News, the Gospel message—I think when we understand them, we’ll get a better understanding of why the continued racial tension and issues that we see arise in something like the Jena 6 situation.

How do you think Christians need to react to encounters with racism?
Well, I think the very first counteractive move you can make against racism is to have authentic, deep, meaningful relationships with people of a different ethnicity. That you share meals with them, you share stories with them and you’re engaged in relationships with people that are different than you. That’s the most important move, that you’re truly loving your neighbor across racial lines as yourself. Because really, for that commandment to have meaning—because we’re in a racialized society—we have to say, “Love your neighbor across race as yourself” for that commandment to truly have meaning and power in our world today.

I think from that authentic relationship across race—loving your neighbor—it’s going to develop in you a compassion and a sensitivity to not tolerate racism, whether it’s institutional or individual. I think without a deep friendship, relationship across race, it’s hard to develop the proper sensitivity to speak out and act out against racism, whether it’s individual or institutional.

Author: Harbor Partin

Defenders of the...feminine

I find it very ironic that, as a woman, I have never been passionate about women's issues. I'm certainly not an all-out feminist by modern standards, though by virtue of the fact that I'm a woman, there are naturally certain things I have strong opinions about...but not passionately so, for the most part.

And then this summer, I started taking classes in the Bushido Judo School's Women's Self-Defense program, and all of a sudden I find myself wildly taken up with the cause of women's safety and protection. My instructor, a man of course (it doesn't do much good to practice beating up on a woman), possesses a more acute sense of respect for women than almost anyone I've ever met, and it occurred to me: he's a man! I'm a woman; where's my sense of honor and love towards my fellow woman?

And so I've gotten on a kick (though I hope it's more than that) of advocacy for women's safety...it hasn't paid off too well with the women I already know, sadly. Most of my friends smile and say "yeah, that class sounds like a good idea," but I haven't been able to convey the importance of it yet. I guess it will take time, and understandably. Four months ago I was an ambivalent bystander, more or less, and only signed up for one class because I knew my mom would continue to harass me if I didn't. Hey, if harassment is what it takes to get the women I care about into a place where they better know how to protect themselves, I don't mind the job. And to anyone riding the fence, I'd like to say: you really don't know what you've been missing all this time until you go. Trust me.

In the meantime, I'm considering becoming a volunteer for Interact of Wake County, which "provides safety, support, and awareness to victims and survivors of domestic violence and rape/sexual assault." This is not the garden-weeding, kitchen-cleaning, boutique-fundraiser-cashiering I'm used to doing...this is really investing myself in the lives of people who have been hurt. I'd be lying if I said that doesn't really intimidate me, but to be honest, I think it's time I grow up. I say I want a "better world," and that I want to "share the love of Christ," but playing it safe isn't going to help any of that to happen.

embracing my inner 16-year-old

So lately I have noticed that I have been getting (perhaps in response to a total lack of real candidates in my life?) silly little middle school crushes all over the place these days. And by all over the place I mean three, but three at once is two more at once than ever before, and three more than most times (did you get all that?) No, no identities will be given, since you don't know them anyway -- heck, I don't even know two of them (and never will...trust me. Thus, silly girl.)

Anyway, me and my analytical self have coped with feeling like I've reverted back to the typical girlhood I never actually had by realizing there are valuable lessons to be learned...at least in terms of recognizing what is attractive to me in guys. Well, recognizing isn't perhaps the best word, as I pretty much already knew. Better "reinforcing," maybe--reinforcing the fact that there are some things that attract me no matter how much I wish they didn't, or how glad I am they do.

Basically, and here comes the personal ad, I'm attracted most intensely to men* who are genuinely seeking to thrive in a relationship with Christ above all else. That relationship is the most important thing to me personally, so it follows. That's one of the attractions I'm grateful for, along with: guys who proactively honor and respect women, are patient, have an easygoing and good-natured sense of humor (though the more ironic and witty the better), get along well with all kinds of people, love the outdoors...and that's as far as my brain goes for now..

The rest fall in both the "I'm glad" and "I wish they didn't" categories, because haven't you noticed that what attracts you most in a person so often tends to become expressed in a manner that actually drives you away? Yes: guys who have an artistic spirit (especially in music and/or poetic and prosaic writing...kindred spirit, you know), are self-assured and confident, are slightly smarter than me in some ways, haven't had a perfect life, have strong convictions, are socially conscious, mentally flexible, introspective...and bigger than me (yes, it somehow doesn't seem to happen much and so I sometimes regret that one :P).

So if you meet all of these, you can call me at (919) 60--just kidding.


*(I'm TRYING to learn to say men instead of guys....it's not easy....not to be mean, but it's difficult for me to consider any male under the age of 30 as a "man"...probably because it's difficult for me to consider any female under the age of 30 as a "woman")